Friday, May 13, 2016

Two-Homed

     Many of the youth in America are very familiar with this situation that I will be talking about today. That would be divorce. While I am quite aware that many people have it worse, for instance, their parents live in different states, or different areas, I am still aware of what I have to go through on a daily basis. From little things to big deals, you never know what issue could be lying around the corner.
     My parents got a divorce when I was 10 years old or almost 11. Since I was already quite old, and used to living with both of my parents, this made it much more traumatic for me. Now traumatic may seem like a harsh word for some, but for me it fits quite well. Now, February was around the time they got a divorce. And this is what made it harder: we had just moved to New York that past November.  By then I was pretty used to moving into new homes, in new cities. But this was different. What was more heart-breaking was "the talk" after dinner that night, because unlike my sister, I had seen it coming. I had heard the yelling, the fighting. I had noticed the little signs, that made my want to cry my eyes out. I had known that this was coming. I could not stop it. I would not accept it. This is why "the talk" was to traumatic. This is why "the talk" was one of the worst experiences of my life.
     It didn't take long for my dad to move out. What was harder then being at home, was knowing that I would soon have two places to call home. I did not want this. I started to get very depressed and isolated myself from my friends at school, although there was not many of them. I was alone at lunch and recess, and my teacher started to notice. She took me to the school counselor. This was the first counselor I had been to, but sadly not the last. They work for some people, but not for me. This went on for a while, the on and off help, but it started to fade off. I started to act like I was better. Like this was the end of my pain. And that seemed to work okay. It was for sure no solution, but it helped me keep a positive attitude, which in the long run, helped me a lot.
     At this point it's been about 6 months and I have gotten used to the whole "two-homed" situation. Although I was not happy with it. It was not until the middle of 6th grade when it really took a toll on me and my school work. I enjoy being known as one of the smart kids. It makes me happy. A special kind of happy that only comes from doing good work. But having two houses made that pretty hard for me. I had started to leave one folder at one house, one at the other. I would have internet at one, none at the other. This was the issue for me. I could not stay in control. I could not stay organized. I didn't know where anything was, and this caused me a lot of anxiety. A few of my grades went down, and although not by much. I  could not take it. I could not handle it. And this, the stress, was the hardest part of the divorce for me. This, took the biggest toll on me. The uncontrollable anxiety. I just could not figure out a solution.
   This is when I realized that there was no solution other then to improve. To work harder, but not stress too much. My anxiety can't go away. But baby steps can make me happier, and healthier.