Friday, December 30, 2016

Why?

    I have heard many things throughout my life, but I choose carefully what I listen to, and lately I haven't been enjoying what I'm listening to. The amount of hate that was been going around lately is absurd. And my question is, why? Why does hurting me, make you feel better? Why does disrespecting me, make you any more respectable? How does calling me an idiot, make you any smarter? And how does harming me, make your scars fade. The answer is simple, it doesn't. So why? Why do you choose not to think before you speak or act? Why don't you think about the fact, that you could be wrong? Or that what may be nothing to you, could be everything to me.

Wednesday, December 14, 2016

Presentations

    Presentations. They always were, and always will be my least favorite part about school. I would love my current Language Arts teacher to read this, and understand my reasoning. Sadly, the only people that read this blog are some random people from France, but I'm gonna pretend the whole world is reading this, so they understand my point of view.

     I grew up, and I gradually found a voice. Not a big one, but it's what I got. I use it to stand up for what's right, and to share my opinions (respectfully) with the rest of the world, or at least whoever cares enough to listen. I have always had this voice, like a fire deep inside me that I was desperate to put out. This is why I like to blog. These are my opinions. No arguing. Just me. Just me and my problems. And now I'm sharing my problems with my phone, and even though no one is listening, this is my way of sharing. I don't want to force a class full of people to sit and stare at me stutter through a presentation. It isn't me. It's the me who wants an A. The real me, with my real opinions, is here. Where I know i won't be judged, mostly because there isn't anyone to judge me, but you get the point.

    Now that's the 1st reason. A paragraph about who knows what. Here's the other reason. The simple, one word reason. Anxiety. I apologize to the many teachers who have had to deal with my anxiety attacks. The suck, trust me, I know first hand. But the real problem is that some teachers have this thing about getting me out of my "comfort zone". Believe me, if that's how it worked, then I would've been rocking these presentations since 4th grade. But every year I stutter my way through my presentation, and then go and have an anxiety attack after. It's not fun. You'd think teachers would just let me write an essay, but instead, I have to embarrass myself in front of the entire class, and get 10% off my grade because there's "no flow" in my presentation. Sounds fun, doesn't it?

Thursday, December 1, 2016

The Cards I've Been Dealt.

    My dad always tells me that these are the cards that we've been dealt, and there is nothing we can do to change that. I am finally beginning to see the positivity, rather than the negativity I have tried to replace it with my entire life. I would think that it sounded like we were giving up, and saying that this was the end and we could not change our fate.
    Recently my dad and I have been dealt a pretty rough deck. Last month our apartment got flooded because of a broken pipe, and while I had the flu, we were forced to stay in a pretty bad hotel for a week. Not the best week of my life, but somehow he stayed so positive throughout the entire experience. I was shocked, and honestly baffled. About two weeks later a random person used his credit card number to take almost all of the money out of his bank account. Still positive, acting like it was no big deal. I knew that he was not happy about the current situation, but whenever he talked to me about it, he kept assuring me that everything would be okay, which I am very thankful for. Now 2 days ago, I wasn't really sure what else could possibly happen to us, but to my surprise, his car broke down. It was snowing and we had places to go, but his car decided to stop working. So, there I was, walking to starbucks in cold, windy, snowy, pretty much awful weather, alone, wondering honestly what else could possibly go wrong. And luckily nothing else has, yet. *sigh*
    Lately I've been thinking, just realizing how thankful I am that I have my dad in my life. He always wants the best for me even if sometimes he's not exactly sure how to provide that. For example, if I even mention the word "stress" he takes my homework or textbook and makes my take a break. I don't always think it's the best thing to at that time, but in the long run I know it's good for me. He represents what family means to me. We have gotten through so many hard times together and I wouldn't have been able to survive any of it without his love and support. He knows that we don't have the perfect life, and there are definitely people who have it better than us. He makes sure that I know that even though we are not perfect, that we are very privileged, and that I should be thankful for everything I am lucky enough to have. He makes me aware that my life is hard but that I'm doing a good job with what I have.